A couple of weeks ago I ran to Walgreen's to grab a card, some tape and a bow. Yes, I was wrapping a present. When I say ran, literally I mean that. Lately for the past three months it seems as if I am rushing through everything. On this particular trip my mother n' law was in town and so I rushed to the store without kids. On any other given day I would not have taken notice to how big a deal this trip was without kids, however, on this one particular day I noticed. Oddly enough, I didn't pick up on the fact that I was still rushing to park my car, rushing to find the aisle and rushing to find my card. And, for those who know me closely, they know I could spend hours in the card aisle at the store; you get your laughter and sentiment all in one stop! I grabbed a card and hastily made my way to the cashier.
The cashier was an elderly woman who had a thick accent and a wonderful smile. One of those smiles that gave you the feeling she had a story. When I meet people like that on the plane, waiting at a restaurant or at the park I am thrilled to talk and hear their story. Well, this endearing woman slowed my pace with her smile and accent. I asked her where she was from and she said she immigrated from Cuba. That is all it took, I stopped and talked with her for a half hour. I learned everything about her English studies in Cuba to her father encouraging her to not drop out of school because one day she might need her English!
The conversation with this wonderful woman slowed my pace, my thoughts, it was organic, authentic and missing in my life for the past three months. My drive home was short, but in the matter of three minutes I had pegged the yearning within my soul. I longed for vitality and life again! I had become weary of surviving. The short life of single parenting that I have been existing in, had all consumed who I was. The desire to stop and smell the roses, ceased to exist because the opportunity to stop and smell the roses, ceased to exist.
How do single parents maintain their individuality and their vitality in life when they are alone in raising their children? It is easy for people to say, "oh, just get a sitter, or you really just need to carve out time for yourself." Yes, that is true, however it is a lot harder than you realize when your in the storm and your just hanging on hoping to survive!
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3 comments:
Sharon - I did not know that you had a blog. Your writing and your thoughts are beautiful. Love, Betsy
You nailed it, at least part of it. I actually said in a post today that I felt like a prisoner in my own home and my captors were my children. Sad, but true.
But that is the life of most single parents. Not that they are unhappy all the time, but that it is chaotic and so very hard to keep a sense of self, a balance between me and we.
This is what I've strived for in my newly single momhood and what I've been criticized for as well.
It has always been with deep love for my children that I find my purpose and calling in life, that I take time out for me and that I create a healthy balance even at this transition period. I've been called selfish, delusional, neglectful, etc. But I have to work on me to ensure that I give them the best of me. Last I checked, overworked, stressed out, single moms who don't get a break aren't the happiest people. I'm sure that in turn impacts their parenting skills.
Mind you, I'm not perfect, far from it. But they deserve to have the best from the only parent left in their daily life. And to accomplish that I have to work hard to find the time for me. Not just a few hours during the day while their in school, but time to have dinner with a girlfriend or go to a hockey game,etc.
And it's not cheap hiring a sitter. Especially on a single mom's budget. A night can knock me back an easy $60 just for a sitter, assuming I can find one. So creativity comes in to play. And you can't be afraid to ask for help. I will never strive to be a supermom, who does it all. I'll suck at it, so why bother. I just want to be a good mom, who loves her kids and her life while doing it.
Thanks for writing about this. I know your experience has not been easy, but it will help you help others in the long run. Just like you helped me! Amy
I don't have children, but a lot of my friends do. One of my friends told me, "I don't feel like ME. I'm a Mom, a Wife, a Daughter, but I'm not ME any more." I thought that was so sad. I don't know how women do it within a marriage, so I have no clue how you are managing it alone. Maybe a schedule of some sort that allows you to be you, to fill up your spirit with the things you enjoyed prior to having a baby?
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