What voice do you hear?

One of the best things about my job is the amazing people I get to work with!  On Thursday I was working with an 11 year old girl who I will call Lucy.  She is brilliant, charming, sensitive, creative and has an eagerness to learn about herself. 

Her parents are going through a divorce, a difficult one.  She is like most children who find themselves in this situation thinking, "there is something I can do to make it better."  However, through the process of trying to make things better,  and be everything to everyone, negotiator, peacemaker, and little miss sunshine... the child actually stops listening to that internal voice and begins to revolve around the adults in their life.

As we were discussing this concept of listening to yourself and letting the adults figure it out, 

she said, "I guess sometimes you are deaf to yourself, but can still hear everyone else?"  

Yes, that is exactly what happens...  Whatever trauma we maybe experiencing, sometimes we so desperately want it to go away and to experience peace we begin to sacrifice anything, and sometimes that sacrifice is our own voice.   We do become deaf to that still, small voice that tells us which direction to go, the voice that protects, feels, and hopes.  The more we listen to the loud voices around us, the more confusing life becomes and thus the journey becomes weary and tiresome.  

There is irony in Lucy's metaphor.  When we think of someone who is deaf, they CAN hear their own self, but CANNOT hear those voices around them.   

So, for Lucy, Thursday was the beginning of freedom in her journey.  Freedom to begin hearing herself again.  To listen to her own heartbeat, to hear her own voice.  I believe as she listens she will find a peace within the storm...

"I guess it wasn't a Good Friday for Jesus"

As I put my two daughters down to bed this Good Friday night, we began to  talk about this day that was set aside to remember Jesus' death on the cross.  We talked about how he was beaten, spat upon, whipped, a crown of thorns crammed into His head and then nailed to a tree.  

We talked about how He was betrayed by Judas and Peter, how people cursed and made fun of Him, how He had to watch His own mother's agony and His friends mourning as He hung there to die.   The discussion was very reverent and somber.  And, how fitting for my six year old Sophie Grace to soberly say, "I guess it wasn't a Good Friday for Jesus."

No, it wasn't a Good Friday for Jesus.  He died a horrible death and as my daughter finished her statement, I could feel a rise of anger within my heart.  Yes, it was good that Jesus died on the cross and saved us from our sins!  But, it is just so easy to forget all that He had to go through to make it a "Good Friday."  

So, for the rest of my Good Friday, I am pondering and mourning the cruel act of the Crucifixion that Jesus, the Paschal Lamb had to endure.  

Holy Thursday

 The night in which Jesus performed the last supper  for his disciples.  He knew what lay ahead of him that next day on the cross and yet he humbly washed the feet of His disciples in an amazing gesture of service.  He became the paschal lamb that save us from our own depravity and demise.  

Redemption means taking action!

Redeem.... This week more than any other Easter week in my life have I reflected on this word in such a way that it catches my breath.  Webster defines redeem as to make good or change for the better.  When I think of Jesus' death on the cross I am amazed at the change for the better it made in my life and the world!  Where would I be in my own situations if He had not already redeemed them? I may not see redemption this side of heaven, but I know His hand is upon them.  Redemption almost requires a choice to act; if we are not active in wanting to make change for the better then how can anything be redeemed?  For Jesus knew exactly the kind of death He was going to die and He had every opportunity to back out!  However, He knew what the consequences of backing out would be and I believe acted on courage and strength to follow through with His self-sacrifice.  I admire the courage of those who choose to actively try to redeem a situation.   This last year I was on the receiving end of redemption and it filled my soul with gratitude and hope.  I was witness, this last year,  to the redemption of God and the courage of one who made a change for the better in my life!  Thank you, for I am forever grateful!

Birthdays Bring About Reflection

Angela, Rebecca and I celebrating my 36th

I finally reached mile marker 36 in my life.  Although this last year did not feel like I was cruising in any direction,  in reflection I was cruising in several directions, getting nowhere.  I am not one to enjoy that kind of traveling.  I am not the best person to take on a road trip for the simple fact I want to get where I am going and quickly.  So when my life slowed to first gear and encountered many dead ends, I longed for birthday 36th.  Not to celebrate, but to escape being in first gear.  I needed direction, I needed a map, at least get me in 3rd gear to where I am headed somewhere!  What I began to realize was that first gear was exactly where I needed to be.  I needed to stop and embrace the relief of knowing that even if you never get to where you want to go, being right where you are is the place where you are suppose to be.  And this lesson has been a great birthday gift to jump start my 36th year!